Listen to your heart...

I read something on Daily Love today and reminded me of this note I had written in my journal more than a month ago when I was going through some stuff in my mind;

 " is funny that I have known this fact for so long now( you should not have to force something if it is meant to be and if it really is your heart and souls desire) but I do it again and again, my control freak personality, the habit of taking everything in my ego's hand makes me want a certain outcome, obsessing over something that I THINK it's what is meant to be and what is my soul intended. And yet again once things get bad and I find myself getting tortured by my own ego, I get slapped by the universe saying wake up! I told you the day you met this guy quietly; he is not for you.. And you decided to go for it and give it a chance anyways, because you thought you might miss a good chance with a "great" guy..


 The clue is that if something pop in your way, and you hold your hand to grab it and it's not falling in your hand, and you have to run after it, means that it was just a trigger, it was not mean to be. But the issue here is for me still; I get confused that which one is my soul's whisper and which one is my obsession and my ego triggering me, which one is my outcome goal oriented capricorn personality and which one is the real thing that is coming from the above. I am currently in the middle of breaking up with a guy that I was debating to go out with for a month that had warning signs of past experiences, but my friends told me, that I have a big ego and you are going by your list and that is not a way to find love, he might be the one, I didn't know if my heart was telling me don't or it was my ego, and I couldn't stop thinking about him, finally I decided to do it, and as soon as I did, even though we connected perfectly at first, right the day after some crazy things happened that ruined everything, I wont go to details, but ever since then I feel like I have to prove myself to him and I have been trying and trying to feel good about it, but I couldn't, I still didn't know if my ego is standing in my way, and wanting things that is not suppose to want and let things go with the flow(since i was being called"demanding" all the time by hi), or is it the universe telling me that you should have listened to your heart and trust me, let it go...Finally I am at the stage that my soul is tired and I don't have anymore energy to try to make things good and stop feeling there is something missing and don't "want" too much from him... And as I was thinking this, he told me he is going to a long trip out of country for work.. Universe was speaking and helping me.. 

This is what happens, when you do something you were meant to do for your soul, universe backs you up..Of course since then I've been going back and forth cause the door is still open as he is away, but I know in my heart this has served its purpose, and fear of not feeling that way again is trying hard to hold on to what it has right now..Thank you guys for reminding me today, a heart needs a reminder everyday how important it is..."

Now those days are long gone, and after taking trips and refreshing myself and snapping out of that state I can look back and laugh at myself... I have moved on and pretty grateful that I didn't continue on that path, but one lesson did stay with me from that and has been clearing my mind ever since; 
Listen to your heart, it's always talking to you, and it's always right, at the end of the day that is the one that hold the key to your joy and happiness, so listen to it, it's all inside you..

Love,
Danubelle

Woman's Worth

 I am not sure if it is a woman's day in every house or every relationship today, but I wish it was.

After your heart gets broken by a man, by a strong man that you felt worth opening your heart to after a long time, if a whole world tells you and reminds you of your worth, all you see is some foggy pictures on the side of your sight, and you see a man in the middle that is not looking at you... That is when you know you have lost your worth..

A woman's worth is no different than a man's worth, other than the fact that a man's worth is known by a man himself.. You can not expect a man to know your worth if you haven't yourself. 

A women's worth is not to be known by weather or not she sleeps with a guy too soon, or she gives her heart to him to soon, or how much work she has done for others or how many children she has raised or how successful she has been in a man's world...  A woman's worth is known when she accepts herself for who she is and she stands up for who she is... A woman's worth is known only when a woman knows her worth...

Be a woman and know that men are only stronger because they think they are... Be strong and you will see they will forget that you are a woman, only to be reminded by their ego...

A mirror only shows what is in front of it, respect the one you see, because that is the one that was given for you to use as your power.. 

Free Will

I was listening to Eckhart Tolle today talking about Free will. I've had this question in my mind since I was 9 I think. I can actually remember in my religion class( yes we did have such a class in our school !!) I drove my teacher crazy; she kept talking about how GOD knows everything that happens and will happen and will not happen and at the same time she would say: we are responsible for our actions.

So I kept asking her, if he knows what is going to happen it means I don't have any power in what is going to happen! How would he know if I haven't made my decision yet! And she never had an answer of course :)

What do you think? I've had this question since then, up until now in the back of my mind, and without realising it I was getting closer and closer to the answer. Today I had an A-ha moment when Eckhart was talking and that having the Free Will is in our hand; if you are present and act from  consciousness, and act as a flute for universe(which is term a poet used name Hafiz) you do have Free Will, since YOU are THE CONSCIENCES. But if you act from ego and non presence, in other words from your mind, you are losing that free will since you are not acting conscious. Does that make sense?

I should explain this a lot more clear and more simple once I put it in practice. It makes me feel very happy  that finally I solved my 3rd grade problem. I should again and again thank Eckhart for his once again liberating words...

Anyways, I'm doing OK these days, keeping busy with my final projects, 2 more weeks left on this term. I'm enjoying it actually. I think I'm getting closer and closer to who I am if I don't lose myself in outside world again, it is very challenging I have to say. And whenever I wake up from it and come back to myself, I realise I've been doing things other people's way and not my way.

When you look around and watch others, you can see that most people's problems are because they are losing themselves in the world, that's why they don't have true free will. Of course they can lift up their arms if they decide to(for most people ) but can they find solutions to their problems? This is another A-ha moment I had couple of weeks ago that I forgot to mention; Problems acquire  not because we don't have free will and they are out of our control; our consciousness creates those problems because it want us to realise we need to change something or to realise something.

If you try to fix a problem by pushing it, or work against it, you will create another problem, haven't you noticed ? I have!

Problems are our higher consciousness poking us small or big to make us notice we need to change direction or choose a different solution. So I realised what I can do is to listen to the problem, see what is telling me, and go with it... Isn't that liberating? I'm using this word a lot today, sounds cool today :)

I'm going to practise this free will and see which direction is going to take me. I was thinking the other day about the man I fell in love with in the past, which he never loved me back, or at least I don't think he did, since I moved here and never heard from him again. I miss him every now and then, and just choose to think about him and it always makes me feel better just to think about him.

Anyways, not getting off track, I was thinking why that didn't happen, and realised did I really wanted it to happen? or did I just wanted to love someone without going further? I suddenly realised, I still want to know who I am and what I'm doing in this place, and if I trust the higher consciousness which is in me, I should know, I didn't want to be with anyone because I needed to be with myself first.

So my conclusion was I chose this because this was deep down what I wanted, I wanted to love a man because I had never loved before and I wanted to know how it feels like, but I didn't want to be someone else's love. I don't think I'm ready to practice my freedom and being someones love at the same time yet. My sense of Free Will is pretty new and someone else's will my effect it.

If you love someone and you don't need them to love you back it gives you the freedom in love you never thought you could have in loving another human being.

A thought for today to practice :)

Have a great weekend

Danubelle

June 04,2010

Expecting What You Want

Well, I know that I had promised to write as I go through the journey but I think you can guess why I haven't;

        I have been busy making it !! As I said I will show you how you can get through the journey with absolutely nothing. In the past few months I have managed to get a student loan, get help from my parents, move to Vancouver, find a place, start a school and here I am now, what I had in mind 2 years ago but afraid to do it because I didn't think I could!
       Of course, as you may expect it hasn't been that short and easy the whole journey...

As I arrived in Vancouver I felt so happy and I could not believe I was here, but there was this fear, fear of everything going wrong. I had shipped my stuff and car and was waiting for them to arrive. I kept thinking what would be the worst case scenario and what would be the bad thing happening here. What do you think happened?

         My belongings arrived 2 weeks later than I wanted, cost a lot more than I thought, I had to spend so much money to fix my car after it arrived, etc.. I can't tell you how many times I burst into tears as I heard the bad news about one of the things along my process of settling here in my " dream city". As all these were happening, I hated my apartment, my car was not working, felt alone and scared..

So I started to realize; I have been nothing but an ungrateful spoiled brat since I've arrived. I was expecting perfection in my journey and I was mad at everything and everyone, and the enormous amount of fear deep inside was expecting the worst. In another word, I wanted the perfect condition, but I was expecting the worst!

      As I passed the obsticles of the new city and slowly got used to the imperfections in my plans, I started to feel more and more relaxed and the fear started to go away. And sure enough things started to get calmer and better as I felt better  I did realize how much I was living in the past and in fear ,and trying to hold on to what I had in Toronto

... I was walking by the beach, which I have to say by the way( I can't believe I still haven't mentioned anything about this yet,it needs a whole another topic) this city is one of the most beautiful cities I've ever been to, anyways suddenly I felt; why haven't I been able to enjoy this spectacular view, and that was when I realized I'm not here, I've been living in the past, I'm not present, I've been living in fear of losing the past. So in that moment I started to let go of the past, Toronto, the people I left behind there, and the things I left behind or missed. I started to see the ocean, the mountains and suddenly felt; wow I live in Vancouver, I live here, I'm happy.

       That was the beginning of my "living" here I think. As I left the beach I could feel the shift in me. I had gotten a job with great pay, but I was just not feeling lucky. I went to work the next day, started to search online at work for a new place since I hated the place I lived at. Far from the beach and good areas and noisy.

     I don't know if I have mentioned before but I just always wanted to live by the beach. As I opened the website to look for adds, my coworker saw it and said if you are looking for a place my roommate is moving out! We started talking and I realized how much we have in common, we talked and talked and had such good time. So I moved to my new place, guess where? by the beach! With full length windows that I had written in my notebook that I wanted. I still can not believe how easy I got these things.

After I moved in I realized, what you expect from the universe you will get. If you expect problems, challenges I should say, you will get it. And when you expect a house by the beach with full windows, as long as you don't want it with negative energy, universe will give it to you as fast as you can write it on a paper.

Did I mention the day that I worked with my coworker was not my regular shift and I never worked with her again? universe does work in amazing ways.

I haven't said anything about my challenges right now yet, which I will on another night, but this had showed me, I just need to expect what I want with no negative energy, and it will be mine :)

A thought for tonight! Just write it down, see what happens :)

Have a good night.

Nov 09, 2010

Life Drawing

I was drawing today and started to think about my life . This happens to me every time I draw. It gives me a sense of freedom. I couldn't draw as I wanted whenever I got scared that I might make a mistake. I started to pay attention to my feelings and my drawing. I realized something; I draw so much better whenever I feel I'm ok and
I don't care what is going to happen. My lines are straight, no shakiness in my hand and I just rest the pen on the paper like it belongs, instead of fear of the next moment and the next dot not being in the same line as the one before. Do you see the meaning?

I realized; Life is like drawing; it doesn't matter how good or bad you are in it, it will turn out great if you feel it's going to turn out ok. Just like drawing, I realized everyone can draw. I can draw like an artist whenever I put the pen down with no fear and with the sense of strength. It doesn't depend on my skills...

It all depends on my heart. I remember my teacher told us last week; " don't be scared to use your pen, and don't be scared to make mistakes, you can fix it with the pen, you don't need to erase it! The outcome will be perfect!

Life will be a straight line if you learn to let the pen go on the paper and let go of fear.. And it will be broken and shaky if you try to control it and be scared of the next dot on your way..

Let your heart draw the line, you will have a beautiful painting in the end.

Good night

Danubelle

Nov 15,2010

Everything Is Perfect

           I know, it has been a while since I've written, but don't  you think this makes it more special? I suppose it doesn't need to be that special! Who am I Maya Angelo?

          I had one of those great Sundays today, the ones that you always expect to have; cook, clean, do your assignments, do laundry watch a bit of hockey, sort out your papers, relax.. I don't know if to others this sounds like a boring Sunday or not, but to me a stress free day is perfect. So tonight after all that, I was thinking perfect day doesn't include anything specific  it just means you being OK with the now. It does sounds cliche doesn't it?

         Something funny happened today that made me realize how far I've become. Lately I've been feeling that everything's great other than my social life. I've been wondering when am I going to meet a guy whom I feel I could enjoy my time with and spend time with. So today my roommate tried to set me up with his friend, without any notice! Can you imagine meeting a guy for a first time in your pajamas? :)
        Anyways, the main point actually is that I was shocked that he thought I would like such a person, I won't go through the details about why I thought he's not good for me but lets just say today I had an A-ha moment; that I don't need to be with anyone.

        I know I have probably said that before and lots of people say it as well, but to actually feeling it, it's a different matter. I thought; why would I feel bad about this guy not being good enough for me? I don't have to be with anyone if I don't meet the guy I like! Simple! This single sentence actually makes things a lot easier in your mind. Because As a women half of your day is taken by looking and behaving how guys want you too. I could say it was liberating! Suddenly I felt, oh I could just relax now!

         This is called things being perfect! Just perfect! And it still does not include being a millioner, or having the perfect guy, or the check list I've had in my mind( which is rappidly changing I must say, I've been having so many clarifications when I'm mediatitng which I will get into detail of it in another day) . Perfect means OK, OK with what is going on right now, with what you have right now and how you feel right now. This would be the moment you will feel you are living.

       Think about it, a perfect night, what would it look like? It does not need any of the things in that check list does it?

Good Night

May 05,2011

Soul Cut And Your Book Shelf

Have you ever thought what happens when you break up with someone or cut someone out of your life?

Why does it feel unnatural? Why does it hurt? Why do you feel that you are going against nature...

When you are introduced to a new soul, and a being enters your life, the effect of their energy and soul, the connection of their soul to yours gets created. The universe brings that soul to your circle, and merges their energy with yours, until you receive what you were suppose to...

But that is the time when the connection and bond between the two has been created forever. Your soul expands to the exertions of the others.. 

And so when a time comes that a soul leaves your circle, the bond breaks, the cutting emerges from either side, it feels as going against heart's desire, universe's natural evolution, you're souls maturity.. 

This is the thing;

The fact is, the soul that has entered your life, your circle and your energy, will never leave again, it only takes a spot in the back audience and lets the effect of it work in time. Leaving someone behind, or breaking up with someone, does not mean their soul is out of your life forever, does not mean that you have no connection any longer,..

It means that they have done their job and now they are going to take a back seat and let the next act take the front stage..

You will never be free of their energy, or in loss of their energy, because the connection has been created... You will let their energy float into the universe and keep the strings attached for your advancement... 

So next time you are breaking up with someone remember; they will always be in your life, they have just taken a back seat, use their energy to go forward..

This is why when you fall in love and your heart gets broken, you start to wonder; where does that love go? 

The love is always there, it's just going to be delivered in a different package...

The souls come, but they never leave...Karma is the energy that those souls carry, either good or bad, they are always there in the back seat... Do not be hurt, just wait for another package from universe to advance you to your next level..

A soul can not be cut, but to be let orbit a little bit further, do not be hurt, you just added a new book to your bookshelf..